I Want To Be A Mother, the Hope of Frozen Eggs.

In the past two years, there have been breakthroughs in egg freezing technology. The thaw survival rate is as high as 90%, and the fertilization rate is more than 50%. It's the opportunity for elderly unmarried women to preserve their fertility.
Consultation
2021-09-17
Author: Dr. Hsing-Hua Lai, MD
Translator: Ying

On Monday morning, she said she wants to freeze her eggs, hoping to reserve the opportunity of "being a mother". I told her that this idea was not as good as "getting married as soon as possible". After a few seconds she hesitated and said firmly: if you aren't willing to help, I want to go to the US doing IVF directly. I said: This is not truly good! Having a baby is not like keeping a pet. You can't deprive your child of his paternal love... She replied sadly: My ovarian function has declined. If I don’t freeze the eggs, I won’t even have a chance in the future.

I don't understand what "being a mother" means to her? Why does she want to freeze eggs when ovarian function is nearly poor? Why is "the eggs donation program" not in her options? Too much persistence is puzzling. I only know that it is very important for her to preserve fertility at this moment. Even if there is only one percent chance, she will try. Such determination arouses my curiosity.

She is 39 years old this year. Due to endometriosis and adenomyosis, leading to premature ovarian failure, the last AMH value was less than 1.0. The small number of eggs was the main reason she wanted to freeze the eggs. To be more certain, she rechecked the AMH, and the result was 0.77, FSH up to 22.1, AFC showed two small follicles on the left and right ovaries, I told her that the number of eggs that can be frozen is limited, and “get married as soon as possible” is the best choice for IVF, she said: Actually, I do want also, but it's difficult in a short period.

Marriage and "being a mother" are the dreams of many women in their lives. Once married, she was eager to find a reliable man in her life. She only knew her boyfriend for half a year and could not even get married right away. The originally planned marriage date at the end of the year was changed. The second marriage is of great significance to her, but the uncertain wedding date makes her uneasy. She is afraid that one day she will lose her fertility. She cannot explain this to her husband and family members. She is also worried that she will not be able to have a happy marriage and no chance to have a child in her life, and many "worries" make her so anxious and panic.

Only one follicle developed during the first ovulation cycle. I tried to persuade her to change her mind. If there is no egg available one day, it is a good way to accept egg donations to have a child. Remind her not to put all hope in one egg. This proposal cannot change her mind. She insisted on trying her best even with only one egg, and she had planned to go through four cycles. So the only thing I could do was "cooperate with all my strength". Such a firm attitude made me wonder: "have a child" and "wait for marriage." Which one is her craving?

For her, there is a subtle relationship between "freezing eggs", "marrying", and "being a mother". Can she get married before the end of her infertility? Will she be acceptable if lose fertility capability? Can the future husband accept egg donation? Is there a chance to "be a mother" in her life? Many uncertain and unexpected waits made her "fear". Keeping fertility is the best way she can do, and makes her feel at ease. What is the most important to her? Perhaps preserving her eggs is better than being able to "be a mother", perhaps "being a bride" is more important than having children. The motivation for "freezing eggs" has been blurred. What is preserved is an indescribable sense of "value", which makes her confident and "away from threats."

 

The "one" precious egg was frozen on that day. This is the most struggling situation I have ever seen. At this moment, the opportunities for "being a mother" and "being a bride" are temporarily sealed in another unknown world. From that moment, she stayed away from "fear" and found hope and confidence in the real world again.

 

People tend to lose their rationality when they are afraid. The best way to avoid fear is to prevent it from happening. The way to overcome fear is to change your mind. Will you be afraid of facing the "pain" or "fear" of loss? If losing is inevitable, it is better to embrace "pain" instead of living in "fear". At the end of the pain, there is a chance to meet "happiness". Changing the mind can get out of pain. Fertility is not certainly related to "being a bride". "Mom" doesn't need to use her own eggs. Only "changing mind" can "keep away from fear". 

"This process takes time and we must open our minds. The key to being a mother is more "obsession" than the eggs."

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